middle brow | citizen how \ 3 nov 17 /

this particular hypocrisy is taxing.

i used to work as a tax lawyer. i knew i needed to quit when i was told that a massive company had forgotten to report $700M of income over half a decade. and that i had to find a way for them to avoid paying taxes on that money. and there was a perfectly legal way to do it! gruesome work. ... i know it's not cool in craft beer to have been a lawyer. but if you want to argue with me about paying dues, please don't hesitate. i have lots to say. you can reach me at this email address. for now, i digress.

so i was particularly intrigued by the republican tax bill that came out yesterday. finally: a republican just came out. too many republicans just pretend. anyway, there's lots and lots to say about the bill. there's some good: e.g., lowering the cap on the mortgage interest deduction is a good thing, since the MID distorts home-buying behavior. in other words, if a gay republican is able to deduct a whole walk-in closet full of mortgage interest from his income every year, but he's not able to deduct *any* of his rent, he'd be more likely to buy than rent. this makes more gay republicans buy homes than should. and it benefits people who buy really big homes.

it also proposes a fairer international tax system called a *territorial* system. for complex reasons, some US companies don't pay taxes on income they make in other countries until that money is brought back into their country. this closeted income totals somewhere around $2.5T. that's a fuckload of money! the new system incentivizes US companies who make money in other countries to bring their money back!

but there's also some bad: the poorest 35% of americans would get no relief from the bill whatsoever. some very, very rich people--like, your friend from the north shore's mom who drinks nice whiskey and pretends to drink nice wine but for some weird fucking reason never has anything but macro lagers stocked in her third fridge and makes $650K/yr--would get a tax cut that they do not need. 

generally people who live in blue states would pay more (lots of gay people in blue states, you know), the reason being that state and local tax deductions would be eliminated. and all the gay cities and states have higher local tax rates. and, for most liberal people, these higher rates aren't offset by the overall federal tax cuts being proposed. 

two examples. a straight, american man in wyoming who rides a horse to his mailbox cuz it gives him a little boner (but it's ok cuz the horse is a gal): he'll get a big tax cut from the fancy boys and sexual harassers in washington dc. but he'll have to start paying his state income tax which is a whopping... 0%. but the gay high school football coach and sexually assaultive priest in new jersey: they'll get a break from the feds. but then they have to pay 9% in state income taxes. it's only slightly more complex than this. but still: ouch!!

but the biggest bad thing: it increases the deficit by $1.5T. and we haven't heard a peep from the republican house no. the house, in fact, *introduced* the fucking deficit-creating bill. this is the same house that wouldn't vote to spend a penny during the *second biggest economic crisis in the history of our country* unless it was offset by a spending cut elsewhere. this is the same house that screamed bloody murder about obama and his deficits for 8 years. which makes me laugh a bit.

to wit: republicans always yell about spending when they're in the minority. but they never vote to rein in government spending when they have power. why? because it would make too many of their totally straight constituents upset. so they just vote to cut taxes. and then: everyone's as happy as a bucktown couple's toddler! everyone gets what they want! low taxes and lots of government spending! on the other hand: when democrats are in power they admittedly vote for higher government spending. but they also vote for ways to pay for it--i.e., higher taxes. 

somehow republicans aren't afraid hypocrisy on this issue. they long ago figured out what guides donald trump: the american people have a three-day attention span. and so we easily forget what they used to purport to believe. or who they used to sexually assault. or what they once voted for. or what they once said. ... remember what happened in las vegas? are some of you thinking about your own trip to las vegas right now? because i almost used the phrase "what happens in vegas" and that made you think of the ad and then your trip and all the gambling and drugs and tasteful decor? have you ever met anyone *from* vegas? ... anyway. i was talking about the mass shooting. remember that? remember the policy response you demanded from your congresswoman and senator? no? because you started reading stories about kevin spacey instead? 

are you the average american voter? don't be.